What's been in my heart lately...

From the desktop of Nathanael Fraix

Certain things that has been in my heart lately:
1. My wedding preparation
2. My cousins Ernst and Bertram and their respective girlfriends
3. Sanny's health
4. My current... er.., job, the competency mapping project for that certain company in Central Java.
5. My application to Biola University.

I've also been thinking about my personal goals in life, one of which I'm trying to put my own passion, hobbies and skills in line with God's will in my life.

I admit that I'm far from satisfied with my life, with my present state. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy. I just wished I could use my time more efficiently, or to bring more glory to God and the Kingdom. Despite what I've learned from my parents and school, and recently from my beautiful relationship with Sanny, I still feel under-equipped to be an ambassador of the Kingdom.

I often question myself: How can I, in my all of my flaws and hindrance, can be a person who can bring that message of hope, peace and reconciliation to this darken world... whose people are really thirsting for such messages?
In a cognitive level I can think that the Holy Spirit will guide me and equip me along the way, but in a deeper affective level... part of me still find it incapable of doing the task.

Well... here am I, just sharing a bit of what's been going on within me.